Is It That Time of Year Already?

I have reconnected with J, a wonderfully lovely older man I have always been quite fond of. Earlier this month I wrote about him in my two posts, The Story of J and The Story of J Part II.

I feared I had lost him, because we had not been in touch for months, and he was not responding to emails, etc. Finally, he did contact me a few days ago, and reaffirmed some of my fears – he had been ill, has lost a dear loved one, and life was a bit uncomfortable for him at this time – to say the least. But, I had missed him so much. In truth, he was – and possibly is – perfect for me in so many ways. My ultimate, sweetly delicious dominant dear one … not over the top; not too much, just right.

But, J had specific boundaries that he exercised from time to time that amused me more than anything, and he loved his space, as I do mine. For instance, the first night I went home with him, we had a marvelous time. I had a few drinks over the course of the evening, was sleepy, and didn’t want to drive the 50 miles home. He announced unceremoniously – just as I was snuggling down for a long autumn’s nap, that I had to go home. What? Yes, he wanted me to go home – immediately. Why? Well, he told me as a matter of fact, that he just could not sleep with anyone in the same bed with him. Also, he was about to take some medication, and he wanted me gone. Crap! I was so tired, I offered to sleep, on the floor of his den (no sofa or bed in there). But, nope, nope, nope – I had to go. Flabbergasted, I allowed him to walk me to the door, and I drove my cold in-shock ass home.

The next time I visited him, I asked him upon my arrival if he still wanted me to leave afterward, and he nodded, with his usual, charming grin. I didn’t push nor pull; it was his space, and that was just his way. I only had one glass of wine that time!

But shortly before Christmas on a wintry Sunday afternoon, he called and invited me over. I told him I’d love to see him, but really didn’t trust my car to drive all those miles in the cold weather, and I was too broke for a tow if I needed one. He admitted his corner apartment was freezing cold, but he wanted me, and said I was welcome to stay. This had to be a milestone for him, and I asked him to repeat that – which he did. Needless to say, J and I spent a fun day frolicking and laughing and loving all over his freezing apartment; watching the snow fall below on Meridian Street, under a blanket for two; and eating frozen gourmet dinners. I had brought my “toy box” with me, and he delighted in trying each and every implement out.

True to his word, he made room for me in his wonderful old bed. And amazingly, I was the one who could not sleep, tossing and turning, while suffering from reflux and asthma all night. Finally, I did doze, and soon I felt him stir. Uh-oh, he’s going to want me gone. It was too much for him to bear. Please, God, no … its 12 degrees below zero … But wonders of wonders, no, he didn’t want me gone – instead I felt him reach for me … it was magic; he wanted me close to him, and he held me, just the way I love it, and we finally slept together, peacefully. Yes, I loved him.

The age thing came to mind a few times for me, because I kept thinking, wow, will he be able to keep up with me? Is he still going to want to indulge my desires to submit my bottom to him for punishment? Would he still crave me? And, hell – would I still desire and crave him? What stupid ass questions! My feelings for him could not change superficially. And, in all due respect, this last year of my life has not exactly been the most exerting and energetic time of my life. The question really is, can I keep up with him? After all, he’s the one that works out, keeps fit, and is so very careful about how he eats, etc.

My friend, CD says to cherish this time for what it’s worth. And, she’s right. This is someone who was important to me, and obviously must still be. Last week, when I was putting myself through the ringer over another dominant gentleman who requested my submission – I finally told him no; I’m just not cut out for the type of relationship he needs – but all through that indecisive time, I kept thinking about my gentle J; I missed him so much.

I don’t know; perhaps we are cut out for each other, or perhaps not. But, having recently been charmed by younger and somewhat older men – I still find comfort and warmth with him – even just hearing his voice on the phone. I think he’s probably just my speed.