Why am I Me?

Why am I this way? Who am I, and What is it that I am? I keep having this conversation with myself, and I'm torn. I know that I have these submissive tendencies in me - always have, but I cannot define them or pinpoint exactly where I fit into the scheme of things.

Realizing that I have a Type A personality, I know I am not totally submissive, yet I have this yearning to submit - sometimes sexually, sometimes in other ways, but usually sexually. In work and my every day life, I am forced to be assertive, aggressive; make decisions and think for others, and this is not so comfortable for me all the time. I don't believe I have a nurturing nature, and in recent years, my life has called for me to be caregiver to my mother and another aging relative, while at the same time tending to matters of my married life, step children, etc. I wasn't up to it, and somewhere in the shuffle, I think I lost me.

My submissive tendencies were placed way on the back burner for many years, and did not surface until recently. So, I absolutely - with certain - crave a life partner who is on the same page as I am, who is loving, confident, cavalier, and absolutely in charge - without being stifling. I want him to guide me, yet enjoy me, as I will him. Not looking for a master, because I am not passive nor subservient. So, is that possible? I suppose in time we will find out.

Join me in this quest ...