Why am I Me?

Why am I this way? Who am I, and What is it that I am? I keep having this conversation with myself, and I'm torn. I know that I have these submissive tendencies in me - always have, but I cannot define them or pinpoint exactly where I fit into the scheme of things.

Realizing that I have a Type A personality, I know I am not totally submissive, yet I have this yearning to submit - sometimes sexually, sometimes in other ways, but usually sexually. In work and my every day life, I am forced to be assertive, aggressive; make decisions and think for others, and this is not so comfortable for me all the time. I don't believe I have a nurturing nature, and in recent years, my life has called for me to be caregiver to my mother and another aging relative, while at the same time tending to matters of my married life, step children, etc. I wasn't up to it, and somewhere in the shuffle, I think I lost me.

My submissive tendencies were placed way on the back burner for many years, and did not surface until recently. So, I absolutely - with certain - crave a life partner who is on the same page as I am, who is loving, confident, cavalier, and absolutely in charge - without being stifling. I want him to guide me, yet enjoy me, as I will him. Not looking for a master, because I am not passive nor subservient. So, is that possible? I suppose in time we will find out.

Join me in this quest ...

Mio Blog - Mio Destino

Here is a wonderful blog I came across this morning. It is part of the Mio Destino lingerie line. Please take your time and visit.

Mio Blog - Mio Destino

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The Gear

I am a big girl - not figuratively speaking, but speaking of my figure. I've known this all of my life, and have struggled and battled with what society says is physically correct in our world. But, this is who I am, and only in the past year have I truly come to love me for who I am, embrace my extended femininity and release my new found sexuality.

So, I ventured out to stores like Victoria's Secret and other similar lingerie boutiques, only to find there is absolutely nothing in those stores for a woman like myself. Since I am not morbidly obese or super-sized, I was disappointed to run into this situation; not to mention the cold brush-offs from many of the store clerks. But, I knew there were other women out there like myself who had the look, had the goods and The Gear ... And, I had to have it.

Online I discovered a multitude of websites catering to the plus size diva, but some of them came off cheap and cheesy; and I knew what I wanted. My personal style is more earthy, sensuous, but yet candy box too ... I wanted quality va-va-va-voom! Thus, I stumbled across Hips & Curves - a fabulous website dedicated to big, beautiful, sexy women who want to keep it live ... Not much more I can say about the site; it speaks for itself. There are also tips for men who love to buy beautiful lingerie for their ladies.

This isn't a paid endorsement for the site, I'm just sharing my newest passion.

Revelations

A few years ago, I was in Vegas and went to a sanctuary owned by Siegfried & Roy. I watched a young male tiger attempt to seduce a much larger tigress; which was impressive, considering how mean she was to him. I think she wanted to kill him at first, and she could have, but he finally had enough and pounced on her, pinning her to ground, seducing and subduing her, until she (finally) gave in and he takes her. He has her by the neck; it's hypnotic and it paralyzes her every nerve. And then it's all fully charged from there. When she sank to her knees, giving him one last roar – he doesn’t care, just holds on – holding his ground firmly. It is at that very moment that she knows, and he knows, and I know that she is totally and completely his. It is also at that moment that she makes eye contact with me, and I instantly realize that I am just like her. I swear she winked at me.

I'm not into being degraded or heavy bondage, have no desire to have a master or be an owned slave; nothing "dark" -- none of that.

So, in essence, I'm a Sub – or, maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just a woman who loves to be spanked.

When did I first know? I was 4. A neighbor boy spanked me in the backyard, and I fell in love.